Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.
-Psalm 62:5-8
Most of my inner thoughts are about waiting. They usually include anger and selfishness. The lines of reality sometimes get blurry and covered over, and soon fall prey to voicing my thoughts to God. "God, I need ___, or I am entitled to ____ and shouldn't have to wait.
When I look deeper I see how much of myself actually prefers the illusion. I'd rather have security, comfort and around-the-clock satisfaction in what my heart desires rather than this vacancy. I want love. I want comfort, satisfaction, and pleasure. I want to have every worry lifted and be joyful in everything that deserves no current joy.
Bottom line, waiting is hard. Maintaing hope is waiting is even harder, no matter how strong I am in my beliefs.
Waiting is one thing; waiting well is another.
A lot of waiting seems to be about trust and trust to be of waiting and waiting to be about faith.
It's easy to praise God when waiting brings results, but when you're given the answer 'wait' or any type of suffering, you start to question God's plan and timing. Someone's life will look a lot better in comparison, and the grace in mine a lot smaller. We tend to come to a point where we don't get what we want, complain to God, and take matters into our own hands. For many of us, it is easier to be God than trust or love him.
But...What if God knew exactly what He was doing? What if He didn't need our agendas, or short-lived desires, to make His happen? What if love truly never failed and was most important, and followed after...'quick to forgive and quicker to show mercy?" What if, in the midst of our suffering, God knew what was best? What if He was closely at work, even, and especially, in our place of silent waiting?
