A form of free.

"Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some under culture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals."

-Don Delillo

I came across this quote and it spoke to a deep part of my soul. For so long writing has been a form of freedom. The label about myself speaks of how writing is my outlet and my release. For years I have opened this book and written my whole heart: prayers, concerns, memories, pains, heartaches, joys, and the list goes on. It is the door to my mind and heart and it is closely guarded and protected. For whatever reason, it is the one thing that is a complete and total release for me. Why? I have no idea...

...but what I do know is that I am grateful for it. I thank God for the ability to write and express myself through words. It is something I pray I can continue to do for many years to come. I am also thankful that what I write means something to other people. I am thankful for the words of encouragement I receive from people I love and admire. It's crazy for me to think that people I know, and some I don't, actually read and care about what I have to say. It's awesome and humbling at the same time.

I pray that these words reach out and encourage people. I pray my Father allows me to continue to reach out and love all people through writing.  I pray my heart and my writing is a light shining for my Savior who is worthy of all glory and praise. 

Happiest place on earth.

I was sitting at home the other day watching television and a commercial came on where two kids were at home opening presents on Christmas morning. Their dad asked them what they thought about going to Disneyworld and their mom joined in, getting them more and more excited about what they were slowly realizing. They soon grasp the fact that in a few hours they were about to board a plane and fly to Disney. They, of course, freak out and go into this act of shock and awe. They were so happy and going to the 'happiest place on earth.'

"Happiest place on earth"....

What does that look like for you?

For me, it's this:

If you came to me on Christmas morning, or ever, and said I was hours away from flying to La Represa I would probably freak out. La Represa, Dominican Republic is my favorite place on this earth and, in my opinion, the happiest place on earth.

My first trip was in March of last year. I was excited to go. It was a completely new experience for me. I had never done mission work outside of the United States and I was excited because I had no idea what to expect. Ten days there went by way too fast and I left with a broken heart. I didn't really know why I felt the way I did but I was talking to a dear friend who said, "Don't worry, you'll be back." It never crossed my mind that leaving is what was killing my heart. I had come to know and love the people in that community. I left with a heavy heart but excited to see what else God had in store for me.

I arrived back in the U.S. on March 15, 2009. On October 2, 2009 I boarded a plane to the happiest place on earth....again. I was beyond excited. I had found out almost two weeks prior that there was one spot available and it had my name on it if I wanted it. I thought to myself, "who goes to the Dominican twice in one year?!" This girl. I got down there and was the happiest I had ever been in my twenty three years. I was in love and in my element. I was serving my Father, loving on children I wanted to bring home with me and living in a place completely opposite of what I've grown up to know as home. But that place...that community and those people...they became home. God grew my heart a lot in those seven days. I dreaded leaving and as we sang praises to God, prayed and started to say our goodbyes, my heart sank to the depth of my being. I would have never left if I didn't have to.

Those who were around me knew, and still know, how I feel about that place. It's my home and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of a child, an adult or just beautiful Dominican life. My computer and walls of my bedroom are cluttered with photos and dear memories. I would do anything to go back.

I miss the children I've come to know, adore and love with all my heart.

I miss working harder than I've ever worked.

I miss serving God in one of the best and most enjoyable ways I know how.

I miss being in a place that I've fallen in love with.

I miss La Represa.

But....In nearly two months, there is another trip to La Represa. I have the opportunity to go back. Back to my home, back to my element and back to where I belong. A lot must happen before then, but God willing, I will be on that plane in March headed to see how my heart is doing because it's there and it's staying. I pray that God grants me the opportunity to go again and that He provides finances that I may do so. I know He can because our God is so good and so great. How I'd love that gift!...to go back to my happiest place on earth.

Time well spent.

Who knew this could be what the doctor ordered?

Today was a day of helping the heart and it has been one that needs to be repeated often. I am lucky that I have so many godly women in my life who pour their wisdom into me and I am grateful that God has placed them in my life and that I am able to turn to them with a moments notice. I was able to spend time with two of them today. The first would be my aunt. I have five aunts, but she is one who is there and always has been. She has helped me through some of the most difficult times in my life thus far and I really don't know what I'd do without her. As I get older I find I desire to spend more time with her. Today was spent sharing life and laughs over coffee, lunch computer problems and mini marshmallows. I know it doesn't sound like much but a little goes a long way. With my family, most of them push you toward the "American dream": married, kids, good paying job and then retirement...but not her. She loves me just the way I am...and for her I thank the Lord often.

I was also able to spend some time with a dear friend who I met many years ago, but thanks to God, we were able to have our paths cross again and I am so happy they did. Sharing life and what God is doing in it is so freeing. Having friends who encourage what I love and want to do is something that means so much. I was able to tell her what I am excited about, my passions and what I would do if I knew I couldn't fail...and she just plainly says go for it! It's so awesome to have someone to tell you that. I feel like Satan has a good way of talking us out of ideas, especially those which would further God's kingdom. It gives me energy and hope for the future...and for her, I am equally grateful.

But now, what's next?

What road do I need to take, God?

What is the best idea to strive towards?

What does your will have for me, Father?

What do you want?

What is your plan?

And He lovingly tells me..."for I know the plans I have for you, Abbey. My plans are for good and not for disaster, for hope and a future. Trust me."

Dos mil diez.

2010.

I cannot believe this year is already over, but I am so thankful for it.

This year held a lot of change. I have changed so much. Change in heart, perspective and priority. Growing older celebrated, hearts broken, lives joined in vows and seeing myself change right before my own eyes. Desires flipped, choices made and letting God take complete control of my life.

I could write forever just on each month of this past year. I am thankful I am so organized with my pictures so I am able to go back and look at what was captured. Through two trips to La Represa, camp with the children's ministry, holidays, birthdays, relationships and growing into 23, this was a year God knew I would cherish.

This past year was absolutely amazing, but what I

remember most is how He broke me. I was loving life and loved Him, but He knew what was better for me. I know you may be thinking, "What does she mean, broke?" Well, my life was nothing short of what I wanted and desired. Sure, I loved God and prayed and read my bible and so on, but God was not the desire of my heart. God was not my first and only priority. He was part of my life, not just my life...but out of grace and love He took me away from everything in my life that was competing for time and affection and brought me to a place where He was and is all I need. He became my only desire and has been since that very day.

It was not the easiest thing, but I have never been so grateful for something. God knew what was best and, although painful, it was the only thing I could have wished for. It definitely made this past year what it was, but here are a few highlights:

Heavenly Father, thank you for 2010 and for what it held. Thank you for what you did for me and for what I have grown to be. I am so grateful and thankful to be your daughter and I pray that the next year will only continue to grow my heart for you and my desire to serve you. I pray I can be a light of you to those around me. I desire nothing more. I love you so much and pray that I live only to glorify your wonderful name.

12.2010

Just another month?

It is a little difficult for me to look back on December. So much was backed into what seemed like a long month. Lots to celebrate and lots to be thankful for.

The month began with spending time with old friends.

One thing I have always adored about this time of year is having old friends come back home. I have grown up in Murfreesboro and never lived outside of the city. It's home and has changed for me as I have grown up, but there's something about this place I just adore so I have never left. Having friends who have been in my life for years come back here just makes me remember how dear they really are to me and I feel like a kid again.

For some reason playing with sparklers while it's freezing outside seemed like a good idea. We had fun and I had fun until I could no longer feel my fingers. It took a few tries, but we accomplished the picture we wanted.

The month continued with lots of get-togethers. I am very thankful to work for my church and with people whom I absolutely adore. The picture at the top is of myself and my dear friend, Jennie. I have had the privilege of working with her for over a year now and was not leaving the staff party without a picture. The hawaiian theme made for a newly framed photo.

The children's choir also put on a show and I was so excited to have some of my small group in it and blessed to be a part of it. They all were so wonderful and I was so happy to see them glorify our Lord.

The month continued with celebrations of the holiday season and new additions with crazy people I like to call friends...

A tacky sweater party and braving the snow to celebrate a dear friend expecting a sweet baby boy in the near future were definite highlights...

But the month went on with celebrating Christmas with my family.

I still miss the Christmas of my childhood, but I am thankful that I have grown to love this time of year for other reasons. There is no greater gift than what God gave when He sent His Son. I look at that gift as a personal one, because He did give it to me. I am thankful for this month and what this year held and taught me. 2011 is a year I am eager to see!