Certain Uncertainty

I use this illustration a lot, but I feel like I'm on a constant roller coaster.

For a while I am on top of the hill, arms up high with a smile on my face.

I have everything I need (or so I think). Work is great, my family is happy and healthy and life has no major issue in my book. It's easy to trust God because he's giving me resources, allowing me to use my talents, given me a career I adore, and given me a man who loves Him and pursues my heart. There are no major decisions and He guides my way and makes it 'easy.'

But then I see myself going down from the top, right into the bottom curve. 

Work gets real and frustrating. I lose two family members in one month. I go a month without seeing my best friend. God opens doors that I'm unsure of and making decisions are stressful and my mind seems to waver at every breath I take. 

I've been dealing with this feeling for the last couple of weeks. I toss and turn at night from the thoughts that run through my mind and keep me awake. Satan runs rampant in my mind and tries to discourage, rush and worry me, making me believe that there's no certainty in what my Father wants. I find myself screaming these thoughts through the tears.

"Father, how can I be certain that what I am doing is what you want?"

"What's the best route for me to take?"

"Is this really going to work?"

"How do I know?"

"What do you want?"

"How can I trust you?...."

I close my eyes. 

And He faithfully speaks.

"Abbey Grace, my lovely daughter. You can trust me. 

Have I ever lied to you? 

Have I ever left you? 

Remember who brought you through those trials from the past. Remember who has loved you since time began. Remember who loves you. Remember I gave my son to die for you. 

My daughter, this life you're in now provides much uncertainty, and I can't show you everything I have planned for you, but what I can promise you is this: certain uncertainty.

You don't know what's coming, but you can trust that I will lead you to where you need to be. 

I can't promise you it will be easy, but I can promise you that everything is for your good.

My child, lean to me and I'll lead you. I'll comfort you. I'll love you forever."

And then I remember.

My God is good.

My God is faithful.

And although I am certain that I may always be uncertain of what He wants,

He will take care of the path He has planned for me.