Loves me not.

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded."

-Iris, The Holiday

There's not much worse than the petal that reads, "Loves me not." And sad though it is, unreciprocated love happens more often than the reciprocated kind. I was definitely the girl growing-up who would scoff at your boy sorrows and presume your love pains as lame. A few personal heartbreaks later, however, I can't think of much that is more painful.

Dating relationships usually break-up, which isn't the most compelling motivator, to say the very least. One of the first times I was ever mad at God was during a break-up. This guy and I had done everything "right," including following felt "promptings" to stay together. So when we broke up it felt like "God's fault." Presuming that moving "upward" or towards God, will always lead the couple closer, is dangerous. Sometimes God breaks-up two good people with two good paths, for no good reason. Except to draw us closer to Him.

Sharing our souls is the most vulnerable thing we can do. We're unpredictable and foolish and peculiar and quirky and fickle and awkward and multi-layered and boring and needy and too much and not enough...so why on earth would I want to share that with another, especially when another could reject?

"My soul can only take so many dumps," I recently told God, "or crushes or dumped crushes, or cut-short destinations. I am tired of putting myself out there, only to have it left there, or left to suffer silently. Plus, if You knew all along I'd mess up or be messed up by a given relationship, why did You allow it to unfold in the first place? Why did You allow, or even lead me to date people, blessing our territories for a time, yet knowing all along a break-up song is in tune? Are You that obsessed with my growth that You'd hurt me so deeply? Or that undone by my lacking faith that You'd punish, ignore, or play games with me? Or is there something more delicate at hand here?"