Psalm 23.

My relationship with the Lord is number one priority.

He gives me all that I need.

He gives me rest.

He refreshes my spirit.

He heals my heart and soul.

He shows me which path to take.

He gives my life purpose and meaning.

I may be tested and go through trials,

but He takes care of me and is faithful.

He never leaves me.

He gives me discipline and hope.

He gives me the most abundant life full of His blessings.

I am secure and satisfied in Him forever.

How He loves me.

new beginnings.

Since its beginning, this blog has been an outlet to slightly open ideas and thoughts of my heart, faith and the amazing journey God has me on. Lately, God has continued to break my heart for La Represa. Not a day goes by without numerous thoughts or ideas concerning my second home. Dreams of living life with my brothers, sisters and the children I could spend the rest of my life with. God is showing me big plans and they're completely beyond any of my expectations, but He is slowly showing me how to achieve the goal He has broken my heart for.

I have had two very different, very amazing trips to La Represa. I have spent a total of 17 days there. I can say without a doubt that they have been the best days so far of my 23 years. I long for many more like them. God knows that and I have a feeling that through my amazing God, I not only will be back but will be there much longer.

Though I am not there yet, the mission has already started. I am praying and looking into fundraising options. Most of them will be a huge undertaking and a lot of stress added to my already hectic schedule but my heart is set on that community. All I have to do is stop, close my eyes and I get a reminder of what God has shown me. I see faces; I hear voices. I am reminded of a life I long to live. I am overwhelmed with passion and comfort. I am driven to be there and love "the least of these." Once that precious moment in time is done I am back up and running. Praise the Lord for the brokenness within me and the plan He has for me. I ask that you pray for the path the Lord has set me on and pray that I can gather support from my family, my church and my community.

I will never forget the moment I set foot in the Dominican. I went down there with this preconceived notion that I'd do some hard labor, grow closer with my friends and have a good week. I spent the last night there in the arms of someone who is dear to my heart and he told me, "Don't worry, you'll be back here." I couldn't believe I had fallen in love but I wasn't sure if I would be returning. I was overwhelmed and uneasy going home. I longed to stay and to go back once I returned but just prayed to God for wisdom and His will...and the next thing I know seven months go by and I am back again. Familiar faces, sounds and emotions. After an amazing yet heart-wrenching seven days I boarded a plane back to United States...and cried the entire time.

It's been 14 days since returning to the United States...Please pray that God continues to guide me on this journey and return me to my home. I am trusting completely in Him for strength, guidance and wisdom. I have an extreme distaste for this place but I know it's only time before I am there again. God's timing is always better than ours. Please pray for me as I embark on this journey. Our God is an awesome God. All the glory to you, Father!

"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

Heavy heart.

I've been back in the U.S. for four days now. It feels wrong even calling this place 'home.' God has again broken me for La Represa and the people in that community. Words cannot begin to express the heaviness of my heart, the longing to be there or the distaste for this world I've called my home for 23 years. Since returning I have tried numerous times to get a post finished but each time they've been interrupted and have gone unfinished. No words can explain my heart or my mind or where God is leading me. I feel very broken and the only explanation to start with is this:

La Represa, you have my heart.

Timeless Beauty.

"You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

-1 Peter 3:4

How often have you, as a woman, thought this to yourself:

"I need a new wardrobe."

"If I looked like that life would be so much better."

" I'll never look as good as she does."

We rarely say these harmful things aloud to ourselves but we all have thought them. We are consumed with anxiety over our outer appearance-to the extent that we constantly and continually compare and criticize. It's a very common feeling among women and it's quite contrary to what God's Word says.

His Word says our beauty comes from within, not what we wear or look like. The Bible tells us that beauty is found in a gentle and quiet spirit. Loveliness grows out of living a life centered on God and the contentment found in his love. Outward beauty will fade, but a gentle and quiet spirit is timeless beauty, unfading beauty. True beauty really does come within.

We, as women, have such potential in Christ. He has created us with purpose and given us opportunity in the world that men cannot fulfill. Instead of holding on to truth, we sometimes reject this potential by choosing to trust in temporary beauty and loveliness that in most cases is false beauty. How do we develop a gentle and quiet spirit? Look at the little things-like wearing less make-up, for example. When tempted to wear more than necessary, choose to stop and praise God for your unique beauty and what He has given you. He has trusted you with it to further His kingdom. It sometimes takes little things like that or memorizing verses to allow yourself to see your beauty in Christ and not worldly beauty. Throw out the ideas of this world and your expectations and let God work in your life. Let him show you your "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Ownership.

"Don't you realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with you body."

-1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Tiny tops. Short skirts. Low-cut necklines. No, I'm not describing what you can find in the sleazy part of town; look in any junior high classroom. In fact, look almost anywhere these days and that's the type of clothing you will find. Everywhere you turn, there is underwear and skin showing--and not enough covered. We find the burqas worn by Middle Eastern women inconceivable, but are our choices all that acceptable? Women, what have we done to ourselves? Do we find our worth in our visual sex appeal?

The world tells us that we should be able to do whatever we want with our bodies. "If you've got it, flaunt it." We can use it to control and manipulate men: know their weakness, and taunt them. What is Christlike about that? How does our wardrobe declare who owns us?

Our bodies do not belong to us. They are from God and are for Him. we shouldn't be flaunting it but respecting it. We shouldn't be taunting men but helping them. The problem isn't thinking our body is a temple; it's that we forget whose temple it is. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit. We should be focusing on how our body furthers the kingdom of God rather than our status or popularity.

I try to dress respectfully, but there are things I wear that sometimes convicts me. As women, we are often blind to the full extent of what impact our appearance has. Take a close look at your wardrobe. Don't be afraid to ask trusted male family or friends what they think about your choices. And when you are tempted to think otherwise, remember that your worth comes from God and not your outward appearance. After all, our looks will change, but God never will.

Loves me not.

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded."

-Iris, The Holiday

There's not much worse than the petal that reads, "Loves me not." And sad though it is, unreciprocated love happens more often than the reciprocated kind. I was definitely the girl growing-up who would scoff at your boy sorrows and presume your love pains as lame. A few personal heartbreaks later, however, I can't think of much that is more painful.

Dating relationships usually break-up, which isn't the most compelling motivator, to say the very least. One of the first times I was ever mad at God was during a break-up. This guy and I had done everything "right," including following felt "promptings" to stay together. So when we broke up it felt like "God's fault." Presuming that moving "upward" or towards God, will always lead the couple closer, is dangerous. Sometimes God breaks-up two good people with two good paths, for no good reason. Except to draw us closer to Him.

Sharing our souls is the most vulnerable thing we can do. We're unpredictable and foolish and peculiar and quirky and fickle and awkward and multi-layered and boring and needy and too much and not enough...so why on earth would I want to share that with another, especially when another could reject?

"My soul can only take so many dumps," I recently told God, "or crushes or dumped crushes, or cut-short destinations. I am tired of putting myself out there, only to have it left there, or left to suffer silently. Plus, if You knew all along I'd mess up or be messed up by a given relationship, why did You allow it to unfold in the first place? Why did You allow, or even lead me to date people, blessing our territories for a time, yet knowing all along a break-up song is in tune? Are You that obsessed with my growth that You'd hurt me so deeply? Or that undone by my lacking faith that You'd punish, ignore, or play games with me? Or is there something more delicate at hand here?"