Happiness

For a long time it seemed to me that

life was about to begin-real life.

But there was always some obstacle 

in the way, something to be gotten

through first, some unfinished

business, time still to be served,

a debt to be paid.

At last it dawned on me

that these obstacles were my life.

This perspective has helped me

to see there is no way to happiness.

Happiness is the way. So treasure

every moment you have and

remember that time waits for no one.

Life Update

I have just put my journal down from spending two hours writing in it. I don't usually write every day, but since this past weekend, that's happened almost every single evening. I am always writing thoughts, ideas, prayers and dear memories. Writing for me is like a drug: when I write it down, I get a release that almost helps me let go of it. This past weekend, however, has caused me to write constantly.

Thursday morning began the weekend of my best friend's wedding. Jason and Amber were engaged in February, and ever since that weekend I've been in rush/plan/bridesmaid mode. I've never been involved in a more beautiful, more meaningful weekend. We've been planning for what seems like forever, and it felt so good to see the weekend arrive. Thursday evening was the rehearsal and it was surreal to see us practicing the actual ceremony. Friday night came the rehearsal dinner, and after a lovely meal and slideshow, I (surprise to myself) got up and said a few words about my love for the bride and adoration of the groom. I love Amber, but I've been so happy that she and Jason found one another. She is my best friend, and when I say best friend, I mean I have broken the law for this girl. That's another story in itself, but she and I have been through things that would blow your mind. We met at the perfect time and God knew we really needed each other's friendship. She has always been there for me, and I pray she knows how much she really means to me. Saturday came and the wedding was the most intimate, beautiful ceremony. I really am so happy they're married. I've always wanted her to have a man who truly loves and adores her, and thank you, Lord, for sending Jason her way. They are wonderful together, and I know they will have a truly blessed life together.

Being the only single friend of Amber's brings a lot of comments to stir. Her family, our friends...everyone is curious as to who I'm dating and who I'm interested in, and more so who I'll marry. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about it or if I am interested in someone. However, it's not my choice as to who or when they come into my life. It's the Lord's. As much as I want that someone, the Lord is showing me some reason as to why it hasn't happened yet. He's working on my heart. He is teaching me to trust him. He knows I want this man, but he also knows when is right. I have to trust the Lord to bring him at the right moment. He's telling me that the time will come...I just have to watch, pray and wait. Even more than that, he is still working on helping me let go of worldly ideas that I worry about. I worry that no one will be with me because I'm not in a huge career path, haven't finished my degree, and am not on the "white picket fence" journey. I've got to let go of all those worries, give them to the Lord, and remember I am accepted not because of what I've done, am doing, or have done, but I'm accepted because of what Jesus did. He's putting everything in perspective, slowly but surely, and I know I'm getting to where I need to be.

So for now, I'm watching, praying and waiting. 

To Know & To Try

Do you think this is true?

There are so many things in life that we don't know. We wonder about relationships, career choices, conversations, etc. There are so many of these situations in life, and we think it's bad that we don't know. In reality, we don't know, and we won't unless we try. I have gotten to a point in life where I am not going to waste any more time not knowing. I am going to know, and try, if I can. If I want to try and it involves another person and they aren't willing to try, then I guess I know something, and I can say, "I tried."

It's something to think about for sure.

What do you think?

November: Week 2

Can you believe it's already two weeks into November?

I can't.

Time flies too fast these days, 

but the Lord is showing me some very amazing things.

Check out week two:

Day 8

Today I am thankful for real friends. 

I've written about my friends many times before, but the Lord has really blessed me with real friends. Friends that are there in the good and the bad. Friends that care about the choices you make and the condition of your heart. God taught me a long time ago how to really gauge friendship and what it looks like biblically. I can praise him for true, real friends, that I am so grateful for.

Day 9

Today I am thankful for truth.

When I wrote this, I was in a moment of angst and frustration. I was in a situation where I was disappointed in someone and upset by the outcome. I was talking to the Lord and he reminded me of how no matter what, good or bad, I can turn to him for truth. If I am feeling unloved, I can look to him for love. If I am feeling hurt, I can look to him for healing. If I am feeling alone, I can look to him for comfort. Our God is truth and for that, we should all be thankful and humbled.

Day 10

Today I am thankful for the little things.

This may sound silly, but this day was spent preparing for my best friend's wedding and doing the last little details for the big day. It was the busiest day, but it was the errands, the phone calls and the little things that I was just happy to have. The little laughs, conversations, and hugs and what keep my soul tender. Every one has these "little" things in life...you just have to take the time to see them.

Day 11

Today I am thankful for celebrations.

When I wrote this down, I had just gotten home from the rehearsal dinner for my best friend's wedding. It was a small, simple dinner with just family and close friends. We spoke about what the couple meant to us. We shared old stories and slideshows. We talked of what we hoped for as they step in to this journey together. I am thankful to be able to celebrate these things in life. Dinners, birthdays, and being able to rejoice in the happenings of life are something we are all blessed by. 

Day 12

Today I am thankful for true love.

My best friend got married right before I wrote this down. I am so thankful she has found someone to love and cherish her. I am thankful that the Lord gave us love. It is a gift from him. His love says we love because he first loved us. I am so happy that life has love in it. We all love in so many aspects, and I pray I can give the love of Christ to another person one day.

Day 13

Today I am thankful for the Bible.

Whether happy or sad, angry or content, rushed or calm, I can turn to the Bible and be fed by truth from the wisdom of the Lord. What a blessing and humbling joy! So many of us take God's living and breathing word for granted. I find myself clinging to it more and more as I grow older and the more we do, the more he will pour into our lives. What a blessing to have a gift like the word of God.

Day 14

Today I am thankful for my father.

November 14th...my Dad's birthday. Before I went to work today, I left him a gift to let him know he was special and remembered. One thing I am so grateful for is my Dad. One, I am lucky to have him. But more than that, he's a good one. He has always loved and cherished me. He has made mistakes, but owned up to them. He has sacrificed for my mom, my brothers and I. He works hard to do whatever he can for us, and not himself. He is strong, honorable and absolutely selfless. He has shown me how a man should treat a woman and he would do absolutely anything for his little girl. God is the best father, but he blessed me with an earthly one that's pretty amazing.

Perfect Love

The last 24 hours have been an absolute whirlwind. From running errands, to last minute phone calls, and picking up wedding must-haves, I feel like I need to come up for air. As crazy and busy as it is, it really could not be better. My best friend is getting married tomorrow...my best friend...is getting married...tomorrow. I keep repeating this to myself like it's going to click at some point but it hasn't yet. Last night the entire wedding party got together for the first time and had a blast. I've been so excited for the longest time, but I've let the rushing and planning take over the fun. We finished up rehearsal and headed out to dinner and I started to realize just what I had forgotten about. We have the best wedding party ever. Seriously, we do. Once we all started to have fun, I remembered how excited I was and started to relax and enjoy myself. I let go of the schedule and the plans, and just had fun. More than that, I realized something so much more special than to enjoy this time:

When I look at my best friend and her incredible fiancé, I see love. I see a love that is perfect. The thing about perfect love is that you love despite the flaws in the other person. No one is perfect, but by loving the good and bad in someone it makes the love you share absolutely perfect.

This is such a wonderful and special time for us all, and I could not be happier for these two amazing friends. I'm thankful to call them my friends, but more blessed by what they've taught me. I just pray that I can share that deep, perfect love with someone who loves every bit of the perfect and imperfect me.

November: Week 1

So as I wrote before, God has had something big planned for this month. I was really excited to keep a separate journal for what he shows me and what I am truly thankful and grateful for. I sometimes get worried that some of these may repeat, but I'm trying my best to see past the frequent ones in life and see bigger things that many people may look over. Every day I seem to have a moment where I realize something and I jot down a quick sentence in my iPhone (and Twitter), to later go back and write further on my thoughts.

Here's a look into what week one held for me.

Day 1
Today I am thankful for good friends.
I was out shopping with my friend, Lacy,  for a dress to wear to a rehearsal dinner that we are both attending. We were having the hardest time trying to find something exactly right. The attire is in between dressy and casual so shopping is made extra difficult. In the midst of round 2 in the dressing room, I just got the realization of how lucky I am to have good friends. Not just Lacy, but many truly good-hearted people are in my life. We share in beliefs, activities, and just love one another. That trueness of a friend is sometimes very difficult to find, and I am so grateful to have that bond with some amazing people I will cherish forever.

Day 2
Today I am thankful for my family. As crazy as they are, I have them.
I had met a man on this day. We'll call him Mr. C. As I walked into his house, I felt like I was 6 again, back in my grandparent's house. He reminded me of the man in Up, but without the old man attitude. He introduced himself and I found out that he had lost his son last year. As I walked through his house, there were pictures everywhere. I was overwhelmed with the feelings of grief and heartache. You could see how he and his wife were holding on to the memories as much as possible. It absolutely broke my heart. I sat there and realized that I truly am lucky. I have lost three grandparents whom I loved dearly, but that's as far as my personal experience with loss goes. I've never felt grief like Mr. C has. I couldn't imagine losing someone so dear and close. My family drives me absolutely crazy and sometimes I forget that I'm beyond blessed to have them.

Day 3
Today I am thankful for God's timing. It grows my love, my trust and my faith. And it's perfect.
In the efforts to not get more personal that I want, let's say that there's been a huge desire and decision weighing on my heart. It's something I have wanted for a long time, and I've let the Lord know that. An opportunity has shown itself and God is showing me his goodness through waiting on his time instead of my own. No matter how badly we want something, God's timing is the only one worth going for. When we wait for his timing, we love him more. We trust him more because he knows best, and we have faith in his decisions and not our own. His ways are perfect, but we will only experience it if we let go and wait.

Day 4
Today I'm thankful for the godly women God has placed in my life. 
This is one place that I truly take for granted. There are so many women that love, pray and care for me on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. Some are just a few years older than me, and some are older than my grandmother. But they all feed their godly wisdom into my life and constantly encourage me through love and prayer. I am truly blessed by them all. And I love them dearly.

Day 5
Today I am thankful for choices. Everyday we are given choices to be ourselves, leaving in our flesh or our spirit.
I was in the middle of making a decision concerning the desire I mentioned in day three. I was sitting in the car, trying to pray and figure out what to do. I felt God's spirit come over me and say that I have two choices: I can live in the spirit or in the flesh. It may be a battle, but we do have a choice. We are blessed and loved to be able to make this choice. If God didn't love us, it wouldn't matter. But I am so thankful he does, and that we do have a choice. 


Day 6
Today I am thankful that, no matter what, God is in control.
So many times in life things don't go our way. Yesterday I was in a slight pit over where my life is at and a couple of really bad situations that all happened at the same time, and as I found myself just crying because I didn't know what else to do, I felt God's comforting hand come over me and say that it's really okay. He is in control.....praise the Lord. Things happen, and they can suck, but God's got our back. In that moment he took over my sadness and pain, and let me know that he can control the situation if I let him.


Day 7
Today I am thankful to be able to write.
I feel like this may be one that gets repeated, but I really don't appreciate this enough. Writing has been my outlet for years. I have books and books of thoughts and memories and I don't know what I'd do without them. It helps me in a way that no one else or anything can. I am so thankful to be able to write, and to share it. 

What a week.

Can't wait to see what he shows me in the next 7 days.

Knowing November

Someone please tell me where October went.

I feel like my world is in fast forward and I can't slow down to think or write. I've been spending a lot of time talking to God about what this month is going to have. I'm so over feeling busy with things that aren't really in my control and I've been seeking for what he is trying to teach me.

With this new month coming on, the Lord has given me a plan to understand more of what he is trying to teach me. He has told me to post everyday about what I am thankful for...whatever seems to hit me each day in the next month, to take it and write about it. So, I am obeying and interested to see what he is going to show me. So, I welcome you to join me on this adventure and see what the Lord is going to do, because I believe he will show and teach me something.

So, welcome November!