Timeless Beauty.

"You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

-1 Peter 3:4

How often have you, as a woman, thought this to yourself:

"I need a new wardrobe."

"If I looked like that life would be so much better."

" I'll never look as good as she does."

We rarely say these harmful things aloud to ourselves but we all have thought them. We are consumed with anxiety over our outer appearance-to the extent that we constantly and continually compare and criticize. It's a very common feeling among women and it's quite contrary to what God's Word says.

His Word says our beauty comes from within, not what we wear or look like. The Bible tells us that beauty is found in a gentle and quiet spirit. Loveliness grows out of living a life centered on God and the contentment found in his love. Outward beauty will fade, but a gentle and quiet spirit is timeless beauty, unfading beauty. True beauty really does come within.

We, as women, have such potential in Christ. He has created us with purpose and given us opportunity in the world that men cannot fulfill. Instead of holding on to truth, we sometimes reject this potential by choosing to trust in temporary beauty and loveliness that in most cases is false beauty. How do we develop a gentle and quiet spirit? Look at the little things-like wearing less make-up, for example. When tempted to wear more than necessary, choose to stop and praise God for your unique beauty and what He has given you. He has trusted you with it to further His kingdom. It sometimes takes little things like that or memorizing verses to allow yourself to see your beauty in Christ and not worldly beauty. Throw out the ideas of this world and your expectations and let God work in your life. Let him show you your "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can't even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Ownership.

"Don't you realize that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with you body."

-1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Tiny tops. Short skirts. Low-cut necklines. No, I'm not describing what you can find in the sleazy part of town; look in any junior high classroom. In fact, look almost anywhere these days and that's the type of clothing you will find. Everywhere you turn, there is underwear and skin showing--and not enough covered. We find the burqas worn by Middle Eastern women inconceivable, but are our choices all that acceptable? Women, what have we done to ourselves? Do we find our worth in our visual sex appeal?

The world tells us that we should be able to do whatever we want with our bodies. "If you've got it, flaunt it." We can use it to control and manipulate men: know their weakness, and taunt them. What is Christlike about that? How does our wardrobe declare who owns us?

Our bodies do not belong to us. They are from God and are for Him. we shouldn't be flaunting it but respecting it. We shouldn't be taunting men but helping them. The problem isn't thinking our body is a temple; it's that we forget whose temple it is. We are a temple of the Holy Spirit. We should be focusing on how our body furthers the kingdom of God rather than our status or popularity.

I try to dress respectfully, but there are things I wear that sometimes convicts me. As women, we are often blind to the full extent of what impact our appearance has. Take a close look at your wardrobe. Don't be afraid to ask trusted male family or friends what they think about your choices. And when you are tempted to think otherwise, remember that your worth comes from God and not your outward appearance. After all, our looks will change, but God never will.

Loves me not.

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded."

-Iris, The Holiday

There's not much worse than the petal that reads, "Loves me not." And sad though it is, unreciprocated love happens more often than the reciprocated kind. I was definitely the girl growing-up who would scoff at your boy sorrows and presume your love pains as lame. A few personal heartbreaks later, however, I can't think of much that is more painful.

Dating relationships usually break-up, which isn't the most compelling motivator, to say the very least. One of the first times I was ever mad at God was during a break-up. This guy and I had done everything "right," including following felt "promptings" to stay together. So when we broke up it felt like "God's fault." Presuming that moving "upward" or towards God, will always lead the couple closer, is dangerous. Sometimes God breaks-up two good people with two good paths, for no good reason. Except to draw us closer to Him.

Sharing our souls is the most vulnerable thing we can do. We're unpredictable and foolish and peculiar and quirky and fickle and awkward and multi-layered and boring and needy and too much and not enough...so why on earth would I want to share that with another, especially when another could reject?

"My soul can only take so many dumps," I recently told God, "or crushes or dumped crushes, or cut-short destinations. I am tired of putting myself out there, only to have it left there, or left to suffer silently. Plus, if You knew all along I'd mess up or be messed up by a given relationship, why did You allow it to unfold in the first place? Why did You allow, or even lead me to date people, blessing our territories for a time, yet knowing all along a break-up song is in tune? Are You that obsessed with my growth that You'd hurt me so deeply? Or that undone by my lacking faith that You'd punish, ignore, or play games with me? Or is there something more delicate at hand here?"

Nothing is a surprise to Him.

Almost six months ago, this was me. In the middle of La Represa with a group of some amazing people. We worked harder than I could ever imagine and my heart was broken for the people, the community and what we learned alongside those people. What I love most is what I came back with: a broken heart that longed for those people I had come to know in such a short time.

Ever since returning I have continually prayed for God's will for me in regard to the Dominican. I have longed to go back, to work more and to live a life of service for that community, but I know that it all is on God's timing and if I needed to be there He would make it happen.

I have been doing a bible study that has recently talked about how nothing comes as a surprise to God. Things happen in life and we wonder why God allowed it or come to him asking why it did, but God knows why and knew it was going to happen long before we ever did.

Recently, God had been revealing His will for me in small moments. I have known that I am at least going to go back to the Dominican but have trusted in God for the chance. Now, it being six months since I have been home, I am going BACK! I am in complete shock and awe of my heavenly Father. I received the email yesterday morning giving me all the information, saying there was one spot left and it's mine if I wanted it. I can't believe I am getting this chance, but I am SO thankful God has provided it. I am stunned at God's power and am reminded that everything is on God's timing and He has a plan for me far better than I could ever imagine. I love living life trusting in my Savior. All the glory goes to GOD!

One month and two days....the countdown begins!

Proverbs 31

Most women have heard or been taught about the woman that Proverbs 31 describes, but few come close to displaying it in our society. God has been breaking my heart for the women of this world and, therefore, I have this yearning inside me to speak His truth in a world of the complete opposite.

As you read these virtues, I pray that this is all from God and that He speaks to you as you read them. I also ask that as you think about what His Word says, that you apply them to your life and see where you fall according to God's standard. My sister, there is no satisfaction as the kind you find in Christ. Everyday I yearn more for His Word, presence and wisdom and I pray that the following virtues speak to you and open your heart to what God has willed for you.

The virtues of a Proverbs 31 woman in how God created us to be...

A virtuous woman is a homemaker, as seen in verse 15. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

A woman of virtue is healthy and cares for her God-given body. She prepares healthy food for her family and takes constant care of all health and wellness as seen in verses 14, 15 and 17. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

Verses 12 and 15 describe a woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable and always generous. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

A woman of God is industrious and works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

Verses 14 and 16 portray a woman who is wise with finances and seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

A virtuous woman respects her husband and values her marriage. Verses 11 and 12 describe her as doing him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

Proverbs 31:26 and 28 tell of a woman who is a mother. She teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures not only her children, but all around her with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

Time is a very important virtue of the Proverbs 31 woman. She uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8)

A woman of virtue is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. She displays the woman God created us to be. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

A virtuous woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. Her faith is solely in Him and she seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119:15)

I am not sure what God has willed for my life but I am confident it is something

far greater than I can imagine as I try to become the woman of Proverbs 31. No

human being could ever live up to God's standard but if we all completely yield

ourselves to Christ and open our heart to what God has in store, out lives will

never be the same. I pray for you, myself and every woman on this earth. I pray

we all strive to be the godly women God intended us to be in a world full of

untruth and brokenness. It wasn't, isn't and never will be easy, but as

Matthew 19:26

says,

"...with God, all things are possible."

Shame.

He visited today. In a refreshingly different, but still awful way than before. Different in that I recognized him, and awful in that recognizable, or not, he still exudes awfulness—like a whispering ghost, criticizing my every move. I saw his face—I felt his disdain. He sunk into my cracks of anger and asked me to hate. He gaped at my dancing strands of hope and told them to stop. He mocked my sadness. Marked my weakness. Masked my gladness. And raped my good. He marveled at my tears saying, Don’t stop. There are always more reasons to flow. He rocked my exhuastion saying, I’m glad to find you. I’m glad to remind you of your name. He grabbed me by the hand, wanting to lead me back into his dark, back into his dance. But I pulled away and said, “No. I see you today and your story is not worth my time.”