Trust brings joy

I am almost a week out from my last post and almost three posts behind. That gives you a little taste into what this past week has been like for me. Without getting into too much detail or too many tangents I am gong to try and share that...so bear with me.

For the last couple of months I have felt some tension with where I am at with my job. For many reasons, both mine and God's, I felt like it was time for me to leave or that the possibility of my resigning was coming closer and maybe a reality. For weeks I've prayed my heart out, asking for guidance, wisdom and discernment of what to do and when to do it.

After about a month of praying and still feeling this tension, I knew that God would tell me if I really needed to make a change and I let this all go with the trust and faith that if he wanted something to change he would tell me. Well, as God usually does with me, I was hit like a train with the realization that now was the time. When I first realized what he was saying I was flooded with emotion. I was sad. It was sad that this time in my life was coming to an end, but almost in the same moment he spoke to me and in his dear and tender character, told me that there was no need to be sad. He said that anything worth saving from this experience would be saved and he filled me with joy and excitement for what's to come.

Since that moment, I have been the happiest I've ever been. The days following that realization haven't been easy, but they've been what God willed. I couldn't have gotten through them without him, but that comes with anything worth doing. He's given me so much wisdom, excitement and encouragement and I have never felt stronger. I know he has an amazing plan for me. Sometimes it's hard because I don't know what is going to happen or when it will happen, but I know that it's all working for a purpose that he designed specifically for me. I am chosen; I should be joyous in the fact that he is using me for something that is going to make an impact. And I am.

With all that said, I am in a good place. Some people look at me and would never wish for this life. But I tell you, my friend, this is the life to have. I am not working at a job that I loved very much, but I am working for the Lord and according to his will. I am leading a simple, meek life that good is using and is going to use to do big things, some of which I'll never know or see. But this really, is the life. I'm not longer 'intern abbey,' but God has bigger and better things for this girl.

He's Home

Today was an incredibly hard day, which I'll write about later, but in the midst of it all I had planned to pick up my youngest brother, Barton, from the airport and I was really looking forward to it. For the past two weeks he has been spending some time with some family in Texas. After our vacation he went home with them to spend some quality time together. It's the longest we had spent apart in a long time, so we had to improvise. Skype soon came to be our communication outlet.

I had talked to my cousin when she dropped him off and got excited to see him. My other brother, Matt, and I hopped in the car and headed to the airport. As soon as we walked in Matt instantly saw him. We ran up to him, gave him a hug and waited for his bags to come along.

I had the strong urge to fly somewhere. 

Or hop on this for a ride.

Just waiting.

So good to see him.

While we were waiting we realized that Ricky Skaggs was standing next to us!

We even left with an autograph.

And the three musketeers are reunited for now.

Vacation | What I Enjoyed

Sitting on the beach.

Eating fresh seafood.

Doing puzzles instead of work.

Waking up without an alarm.

Creating memories with family.

Staring up at this all day from the pool.

Serious talks with my brothers.

Going seven days without makeup.

Getting caught being silly.

Being surrounded by noise almost 24/7.

Taking afternoon naps.

Having personal wake up calls.

Cooking dinner for my family.

Living days in a swimsuit.

Waking up to this view.

Laughing so hard I cried...every day.

Watching movies during afternoon rain storms.

Just spending time with family.

Being buried alive in sand by the boys.
Reliving childhood memories.

Enjoying the sweetness of young ones.

Sharing midnight conversations with my brother.

Drinking coke and eating junk food.

Sitting outside and not be driven out by Tennessee heat.

Playing bingo with my family.

Being embarrassed by my aunts.

Keeping cool in the pool.

Collecting seashells.

Eating fresh shrimp with Worcestershire sauce.

Celebrating my brother before he leaves.

Being a complete family.

Seeing my brothers all day, every day.

Spending time with my family.

Watching tv with four or five kids next to me.

Reading books on the beach.

Roadtrip breakfast with my brother.

Making memories that will last forever.

Being myself around my family.

Enjoying simple moments with them all.

Playing in the kiddy-pool.

Morning coffee with Jesus.

Seeing everyone love one another.

Loving my family for who they are.

Walmart trips with the tourists.

Night time crab hunts.

Watching the sunrise by myself.

Playing football in the ocean.

Seeing one of my oldest friends.

Family beach portraits...

...well...when we make beach portraits enjoyable.

Seeing God work in us all and giving Him the glory through out every single day.

Glorious Day

Do you ever have those mornings where you're absolutely sure you've just started a bad day? That was this morning. I woke up an hour late. I was already stressed out enough, and this was the icing on the cake. It was a morning where I knew everything that was going to happen but anticipating it had a whole different effect on me. Despite all the anxiety and stress I freshened up and headed off to church as I perfected my "make-up in the car" skills.

I arrived just in time. I went and sat with my small group...my girls. I've written about them many times before, and if you know me well, then you know what they mean to me. Today was their last Sunday in the children's ministry. It was almost two years ago when our journey started, and as excited as I am for what's to come, it was a bittersweet morning. Instead of my usual seat on the end, I sat behind them and watched as the worshiped the Lord. Like always, a few of them turned around and waved at me. It took everything I had to compose the tears. I went to our classroom right before they were dismissed and stood in the doorway to greet them as always. They ran in and grabbed a prayer request and began writing away...

As I sat there and tried to take roll, it made me sad that this time for us all was coming to an end...but the prayer requests started to stack up and I came back from la-la land.

Once the girls started to chat and finish up requests, I decided to throw the lesson to the curb and just sit with these wonderful beings and talk. We got comfy in the floor and got real about what we've had, what God's got in store for us and how we were all feeling. It was beautiful. God blessed our last moments of the 4th grade girls. They kept saying, "Ms. Abbey, shouldn't you be crying?" and. "Why aren't you crying? You always cry." I think the Lord allowed the humor to take over my sadness because it was a time of laughter, memories and something I'll never forget. We (attempted) to snap a photo or two before they were dismissed and with hugs, tender words and affirmation that our journey had just begun, they were off.

Oh, how I love them.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of these wonderful girls.

I continued to compose myself and went about my morning, also remembering that a dear friend was coming back into the states after being in the Dominican Republic for 6 weeks. I shared a little about Michael here back in June when he left, asking for prayers for his time of serving. A friend walked down the hallway and told me he was here, and as I saw him I instantly went up and gave him the biggest hug.  

He handed me a bracelet that he brought back for me, and it hasn't left my arm all day.

He is crazy, and nothing like me.

But I love him dearly and he'll forever be my brother.

I let him get to seeing more people and I got a nice surprise as I walked to hallway. I had known that Pastor Tomas and Sonia and their son, Cristopher, from La Represa, were going to be visiting the states. I was caught off guard because as I turned the corner, I see a huge smile on Sonia's face and before I can blink I am embraced in a huge hug from her. It was the best feeling. I said hello and gave a hug to Pastor Tomas, and began to talk about our church, their easy travels and life happenings back in my home. Hearing them say my name and knowing they remember me and think of me and pray for me is the most humbling experience. Even their son, Cristopher, was asking for me and seeking me out. He finally found me and again I was greeted with a huge grin and hug.

 Lord, I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to see them, hear them speak to the congregation and feel at home for the first time in a long time. Thank you for letting me have the chance to catch up with my family members. I pray nothing but blessing for them.

As I sit here in bed writing this, I am just in awe of what God did today. I woke up, feeling awful, stressed and anxious. I sit here now and I can do nothing but thank, praise and glorify God for this wonderful day. I am worthy of nothing but death and yet He chooses to bless me! It's amazing. It's humbling. I am just astounded at my God. 

"Living, He loved me, dying, He saved me,

Buried, He carried my sins far away.

Rising, He justified, freely forever,

One day He's coming...

Oh, glorious day."

What's it Worth?

If you knew me a few years ago I  looked like a different person. If you had met me then I would have looked, acted, spoke and thought differently. I was a nice person, but I was not the same. I found my value in things of this world and all that mattered was worth nothing. I was in a horrible relationship that was situationally comfortable and something that gave me worth and meaning, and everything any woman could ever dream of was at my fingertips. Exotic vacations, expensive clothing and accessories, a high-priced vehicle, living expenses and so much more became a custom to me. In most people's eyes,  I "had it all."

But what I was missing was Christ. I was finding my worth in a person, in possessions and status. I had everything, yet nothing all at the same time. A terrifying and eye-opening moment opened my eyes to God, and it was like he was sitting there next to me, asking me when I was going to let go of all this worthless stuff and let him have my heart. Praise you, God, for rescuing me from that pit of despair.

That was almost three years ago,  and I can remember it like yesterday. There's a lot from that time in my life I can recall and I think the Lord allows that so I can remember where I was and how he saved me. It's there to help other girls and women, and it reminds me of how truly good our God is.

This morning I was reminded of all of this and was compelled to write. I met up with a friend at a nearby coffee shop. I had recently posted on our church's women's site about an interesting fundraiser I am in the process of and she was willing to contribute to the cause:

    

I am selling all of my old, expensive possessions. All these name brand, high-retail items mean a lot to some people and that's okay to an extent, but to me they mean nothing. They remind me of bondage, pain and searching for a God I now have...so, I am selling every single item. What's even better is that every dollar is going toward funding a new ministry project I am working on that God is fully leading. And I couldn't be more excited about it and what God's doing in and with it. 

My sisters, He can use ANYTHING for good.

He is good, and faithful, and worthy of ALL praise and worship.

So I am graciously letting go of all these things, but sharing the story as they go.

Grab on to him, my sisters. He's always there, and is happy to see you.

"In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. 

From his temple he heard my voice,

and my cry to him reached his ears.

He brought me out into a broad place;

he rescued me, because he delighted in me."

-Psalm 18:6, 19

Vacation

I am 4 days away from this:

The annual vacation with the family. I am honestly not looking forward to it since some family drama has happened recently but I am hoping for the best. I am leaving early to come back to work so I am planning to drive down with my brother, Matt. He leaves for the Army next month so I am excited to spend some quality time together before he leaves.

I normally don't take a vacation. The word "vacation" is defined as a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation or travel, recess or holiday. I haven't been on vacation since I started following Christ. I'm not a big fan of the typical, American vacation where it's lots of money spent, and very selfish. I don't like being lazy and sometimes feel like they are a waste of time and money that could be used to glorify God.

I wasn't planning on attending until I realized that Matt would be leaving so soon. So, like most things, I prayed about whether I should go or not. I'd be away from work, responsibilities and the "normal" for a few days. I still get anxious just thinking about it, but I told God, "If you want me to go, then tell me."

He finally gave me peace about it a couple of weeks ago. It will be quality time with my family I don't see often, my brothers and might even help ease the drama that's been going on. That's what I hope and pray for at least.

So I guess we will see.

A "Happy"

My recent days have been filled with lots of praying, digging into the Word and just waiting patiently (not easy) for God to answer some heavy thoughts and ideas that are weighing on my heart. It seems like life is more crazy than normal these days with work, family and relationships. Even though I know God is going to work in every way I need, I am lucky to have a lot of friends and people who care about me around me to encourage and support. I was talking to one of those amazing women one day last week and sharing what has been burdening my heart. She amazes me at how strong she is. We've sat for ever talking about life and its struggles. We both are in different walks but share the same past and connect on a different level than most. I was telling her about it all and she just continues to encourage me to continue fighting the fight, sharing scripture and just listening to my rambles. I had felt much better after sharing and went on with my work, trying to get motivated. After a little while, I got a text from her saying she left me something in the front office. I went up there and saw this:

I immediately texted her backing, thanking her for the gift of gold that made my day. Thank you Lord, for this dear friend. I thank you for her blessings and I pray you bless her more and more each day. 

She texted me back and said that it's just a little pick-me-up...or so called in her family, a "happy."