Old-Fashioned in 2012

This is a post on dating.

I'm not big on writing about it, but it's been a forefront thought in my mind recently, 

and I feel like I need to divulge some thought out on it and see if I get any insight.

I've been dating recently, 

and it, for once, is nice.

I've figured out exactly what I want and I can say that although its not easy, 

knowing what you want makes it a lot easier. 

But, 

when you're seeing someone and sharing things with your friends, 

you may get to a point where I am...

...old-fashioned in the 21st century, new age of dating.

So please, grab some coffee,

sit back and read through these thoughts and let me know what you think.

Some of these might seem like rants, so beware.

1. Call more and text less.

You will follow each of these with, "call me old-fashioned, but..," and that's okay, but I think that we've got to get back to the foundations of communications. Don't get me wrong, I love a good morning text, and quick "where are you," or a "miss you," but in order to really get to know someone you've got to talk to them. Texting is fun, and convenient but at some point talking has to come into play to see if a slight attraction or interest can grow into a relationship. I once talked to a guy who lived a city away and texting saved our relationship, but when it came to real talk, phone calls (although sometime inconvenient) gave us realness to knowing one another.

2. Being passive.

I can remember having older people tell me that a guy should always be the first to call, text, or ask to see you. As this world has changed, most people, especially men, seem to think that it's fine if a woman asks to go out, plan a date, etc. I think when you're starting out getting to know one another a guy should make most of the effort to talk and go out. Even things like the first date and first kiss, I think, should be his choice. Maybe that's the hopeless romantic who wants a gentlemen in me.  However, we can't consume ourselves in what the other person thinks or wants. We need to voice our thoughts and feelings and  I don't think it's wrong for a woman to speak her mind about what she wants, especially once you get to know each other well enough. 

3. Date outside your "type."

This one is big for me. For the longest time, I had this list of my type. Certain characteristics that if the man didn't meet them, then our relationship would never work. How vain and hopeless is that! For one, no man will meet every single characteristic of any list. Second, I don't want to judge a man on whether he has blonde or brown hair, or if he drives a car or truck. After dating a few of my same type, I opened up to someone I normally would have never considered seeing. Not only did he blow my list out of the water, but he made me see other things that were of more importance when dating someone. You have to be open to really figure out what you're looking for. And from experience, it's worth doing.

4. Being impressed.

I can remember feeling like meeting the parents, getting flowers or things like that were such a big deal. They are, but we have to remember that it's easy to do nice things for someone you like. As a true southern girl, I love when a man opens the door or pays for my dinner, but where we really need to be impressed is finding someone who actually likes us and not being so terribly impressed by the fact that it's possible.

5. Being yourself.

I was once dating a guy who loved a certain sports team. We went to the games and enjoyed doing that together. One time I was shopping and saw a shirt of the team, and bought it for him, thinking he would like it. As I gave it to him, he really didn't appreciate it. A friend told me to hold back a little and not be so forward. But as I thought about it, if I did that I would be changing myself. I am thoughtful and I love to buy things for other people. So, I tell this story to say that we need to be ourselves. If you change yourself then who are they really starting to like or spending time with? If a man doesn't like the fact that I enjoy buying things for him, or other people, then I might as well just change who I'm dating than changing who I am. Find someone who appreciates you for you. 

Keeping the Old

I was in Girl Scouts when I was little. 

We used to sing this song 

and as I started to write this post it came back to me...

"Make new friends, 

but keep the old.

One is silver 

and the other gold."

Keeping old friends...

it can be hard to do, but it's worth it to try and continue friendships.

This week was a reminder of how rewarding it is.

I got a call from a friend, Georgia, this week that brought a huge smile to my face.

He said he was in town for work for the week and wanted to meet up for dinner.

A little history on us...

We met during the summer of 2005 when I graduated high school and got a job at Hobby Lobby.

He was the older, hotter guy that would flirt like crazy.

I was the young, naive girl who loved a cute boy.

We spend a few years working together and going to school together 

and becoming really good friends.

Two years ago, he moved away and for the last two years we've kept in touch.

Back to this week...

We decided to meet up at a town favorite for dinner.

I found myself nervous at the fact that I hadn't seen him in two years, 

but was confident due to the amount of phone calls and texts.

The moment he walked in the door I knew it would be fine.

We sat down and began a close to three hour conversation 

of work, love and our crazy, busy lives.

It was wonderful to see him and catch up, 

but more heart-warming that after all these years

we're still friends.

It was a great night, but it reminded me that keeping friendships alive takes work.

For so long we lived in the same town, but now it takes a little more effort to stay in touch.

We may go weeks without talking, but when we do, we pick up right where we left off.

Just remember, if you love someone enough to let them into your life,

then you have to work to keep them there.

Little Bro's Growing Up

22 years ago on this day, January 26th, my life changed forever.

I was getting close to my fourth birthday and I had 1810 Wellington Drive all to myself.

Then came along this guy:

On January 26, 1990, my brother, Matthew Brent was born.

And life as I knew it would never be the same.

Matt was a good little brother.

He didn't cry much and would have tea parties with me.

I have fond memories of our childhood and growing up together.

He's one great brother.

We take the best road trips...

Really enjoy our vacations...

and celebrate how awesome he really is...

Little bro,

I love you.

Even though you changed my life very drastically, 

I couldn't be more thankful for you.

God knew what he was doing when he made me a big sister

and I am proud to be yours.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MBH.

I wish you nothing but the best. 

Love, 

Your favorite sister

Learning Love

I wish I could sit here and rant on 

about what I've learned in the last few years concerning

love.

It's crazy to look back and see what I've gone through,

but more so what the Lord has gotten me through.

But through it all...

I've learned about choices.

With choices, there are always consequences, 

good or bad.

With every decision things can change on a whim or slowly over time.

You can change everything in the matter of seconds or a few words or actions.

You really have to be careful and aware of all choices.

I've learned what it means to care.

You spend time with someone because you want to.

You invest in a relationship because it's worthy of you and your time. 

You care because you want to and you understand what it means

so you don't abuse it or waste your time.

I've learned what it means to feel.

We feel joy, happiness, wonder and pain.

You feel all kinds of emotions when you love

and what you learn from those can teach us a lot.

They can lead us down a great road 

or down a treacherous path.

I've learned about truth.

Truth about who I am, the woman I am 

and how much honesty means to a relationship and to ourself.

Truth can set us free from our fears 

or chain us in great darkness.

I've learned that it's okay to be me.

Not all may care about me and want to spend time with me,

but one day there will be someone.

Someone whose choices affect me in the best way,

cares about my heart and soul,

wants me to feel joy and happiness everyday,

and is purely honest about everything.

And he'll love me for me.

Good Enough for Me

I am currently 24 years, 7 months and 27 days old.

Five years ago, I wrote in my journal that by now I'd have

graduated college,

married the love of my life,

and either have or getting ready to have my first child.

Well Abbey of 19 years, I am so sorry to disappoint.

What's funny is I hear this ALL the time.

According to a lot of people, I "should" be

married, 

with a career,

and have children.

Oh, and a white-picket fence.

Let me just throw out some thought on this...

First, there is nothing wrong with where I am at in life.

I love where I am, what I'm doing and I am open to anything that happens.

I know the Lord has me in the season to teach me something 

and my heart is completely open to what He has. 

Second, when it comes to school, I will eventually finish.

School has never been a priority for me. 

My goals in life were never to go to college. I went because it was the "thing to do."

I will eventually finish, but it's not what I desire for my life.

Next, as far as a man goes, that is completely up to the Lord.

I have always desired to have a truly good man in my life.

I've been blessed to date some great guys, and been saved from some awful ones.

If I ever find a man it's because it's what God wants and it's in his timing.

And last, there's children.

The only thing I've ever wanted in life is to be a mother.

God has graciously shown me ways of motherhood that aren't means of giving birth.

There are hundreds of children in this town that I get to love on and minister to

and that's been a bigger blessing than I could have ever asked for.

And beyond this, if the Lord doesn't choose to bless me with my own children,

I know there's always the option to adopt one of his to call my own and that in itself is wonderful.

All in all, this was venting, but more than that it's truth.

In the broad scheme of life, I (nor you) am not defined by job, husband, family, kids, etc.

I am defined in the eyes of the Father.

And that's good enough for me.

Parentzilla!

A dear friend of mine has started a company that I must share with you all. It's called Parentzilla and if that doesn't get you interested enough,

Parentzilla is a company that helps parents tame the teenage years. They create training resources, conduct online seminars, and create community among parents of teenagers. In short parents of teenagers have a new partner, PARENTZILLA!

Check out their website, on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube

http://www.parentzilla.com/

Great message, awesome resources and hope for parents!

Girls & the Gospel

If you follow my blog at all, you've heard me talk about my small group girls.

I write about them often and am thankful for what they've brought to my life.

For the last few years they've brought me so much joy.

We've talked and learned about God and his word, and shared life as we've grown as a group. 

If they have shared anything with me it's been very surface level.

Friends, family and maybe some boy-talk but nothing more...

...until tonight.

I had dinner at church like I do every week. 

Once it's over I head over to where we have our services 

and hang out with my girls.

I was standing there talking when one of my girls came up to me.

She looked upset and I asked her what was up, and she replied with, "Ms. Abbey, I need to talk."

She began to tell me about how she was sad because her ex-boyfriend wasn't talking to her and it made her sad. I was blown away by her emotion, and began to remind of her of why I encourage them not to date and that his reasons for breaking up were good reasons. I told her that they both needed to talk, apologize for being rude to one another and agree to be friends. We hugged and she went off to talk to him.

 I watched them interact, saw them agree to be friends and a huge smile came across my face as she ran back to me and said they were friends.

Thank you, Father, for the wisdom you give me to pour into her.

As I sat glowing in her happiness, I got a text from another one of my girls that tore my heart to pieces.

"Ms. Abbey, I need advice. I'm being bullied at school."

This broke my heart.

We began to talk about how she's bullied, who the girls were, and what to do about it.

After about two hours of texts, she said she felt better and I reminded her of God's truth and what he says about us. She thanked me and told me she would call me tomorrow.

As I drove home, tears streamed down my face.

I love these girls like they are my own and it breaks my being that they have pain in their lives.

I can remember being in the 5th-6th grade and dealing with the same issues, 

but it's so different in today's time. 

We talk about boys, bullies, and other huge topics, but now they are coming to me, sharing their issues and trusting in me for truth and guidance. As heart breaking as it is, I am thanking the Lord for the opportunity to talk to them and pour truth into them. I can tell them what God says about who they are and what they should do according to his word. How amazing is that!

I can sit here and be boastful in myself for doing well, 

but what I must do is give all the glory and thanks to God. 

He is using me to bless and help others and it is incredible.

What the girls don't understand is that they are blessing me more than they could ever imagine.

Thank you, Lord, for you....are....good.

How to Love

I was in the Word this morning and reading over 1 Corinthians 13. Also known as the love chapter. It's the one we all know by heart and can quote at a moment's notice. What I don't like about it is we forget what it's really saying and how we can apply it to our life. I was writing in my journal as I read, and as I read I wrote my thoughts on the first few verses. It really hit home to my heart, so I posted what I wrote to Facebook.

Here's what I wrote in my journal:

I started to read it outside of the normal context. 

Take the word 'love' out and read it.

We are called to be every bit of that, while loving people.

It's not enough just to love people. We called to be every bit of what 1 Corinthians says about love.

It's so hard just to love someone, but to love them while enduring their hurting us?
To love while being patient?
To love continuously?

Only through the Lord are we able to do this.

I pray you read this and it hits home to your heart like it did mine.
I'm definitely looking at how I love a much different way.

January Weekend

I like cold weather, but this winter is nothing like normal and I'm not complaining.

Wearing t shirts and ballet flats on a January weekend is fine by me.

This one has been especially good

and was a great way to spend some free time.

My sister, Hannah, is in town for a few days 

so I made my way up to my aunt's to spend the evening with one sweet little girl.

Marigrace and I started to catch up and get acquainted since our last visit.

We sat and chatted over how to say "Abb."

and she saved her first real laugh for me.

(Sorry, Chris.)

What a perfect way to end the week.

Resolutions

First off, I make new year goals.

Not resolutions.

If I tell myself I am going to work out every day of the year,

by January 31st I will sitting on the couch indulging in being lazy.

Instead of making resolutions I have made some goals to attempt this coming year,

and I'd thought I'd share them with you.

1. Project 365

I attempted this in 2009 and it lasted a few months. I really want to do this just to tell a story. I'm taking a picture everyday and it's a picture of meaning. I'm excited to see what comes from it. The iPhone will get some good use this year.

2. Take a trip with my brothers.

We've talked about it forever, but now that my baby brother is out of high school we can actually travel together-just us. We've talked about taking one over the holidays, but we'll see. No matter where or when it will be awesome. 

3. Open up to my friends.

I've said before that this blog is my outlet. What I've come to see is that I withhold so much from people dear to me. I can sit and listen to my close friends and family and talk for hours, but I don't share hardly any of my life to them. I've hurt some people and I want to try my best to share my life because I love and care for those around me, and entrust in them like they do me. They're there to help and love me and I need to do that. 

These, significant or not, are a huge prayer for me.

We'll see if they can happen

and see if I add anything else.

Two-thousand & Twelve.

It's here.

I am so excited for a new year.

I'm ready for new adventures, new memories 

and new life.

To be honest, a new beginning is just what I've needed lately. I've been in one of those funks that most people get in sometimes. I've found myself stuck in this mode of comparing myself to other women and their blessings. I've felt completely neglected and forgotten by God. I can look at a woman and find something she has that I don't that makes me lesser of a person. I know I'm not the only person who has ever felt this way, but lately it has just eaten away at my spirit. I've let it take over my being. But I read this today and I knew the Lord was speaking right to me.
³⁹At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, ⁴⁰where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth. ⁴¹When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. ⁴²In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! ⁴³But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? ⁴⁴ As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. ⁴⁵Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”


Elizabeth could have been completely envious of Mary's blessing, but she responded in a way of trusting who she is and the plan God has for her. Any one of us would have had a hardened heart toward Mary, but Elizabeth welcomed her and blessed her, praising the Lord. 


I've got to see that every day.
I've got to hold tight to the fact that when I envy things or am displeased with my current situation
I am not trusting the Lord to play out his plan for who I am supposed to be.
I have to embrace God's design of me
and ask the Lord to unveil his purpose for me,
my favor in his eyes,
and my incomparable meaning.

This year brings change.
Change of heart and a way of thinking.

This year I am going to go after what I want in life,

spend time doing things that bring me true joy

and be with people I dearly love.

It's going to be the best year.
I can already tell.